1. Insall something on your face. See how you like it.
2. Get Matt Shropshire to help you (background). He's super, super helpful. Optional - do the show with an old buddy (Owen Sherwood, foreground). Can your old buddy do a pensive look like this? If not, cut him out of your life. If he can, have him do half the work. What a buddy!
3. Tchotchka. You need it. You're not all that creative, so the crap you collect in your studio? Use it. Again, you're not that creative, and this makes you look smart and sophisticated. The best places to look are Wal-Mart and the crawlspace under someone else's house.
4. Install giant drawings on the wall of the gallery. This ensures a memorable show: at least by the guy using the 15 gallons of matte white to cover them up when the next show goes up. He'll go to his grave saying - "It took me eight coats to cover up that guy's painting, and he had no hope whatsoever of selling it. What an idiot." Zang! He'll remember you for life!
5. Spread crap all over the place while you're doing it. During the installation, give the space that care-free "there might just be paint rags in this bag, but it could be an unfinished sandwich from Monday" vibe. This is imperative. AND - on day five, chicken curry smells like watermelon. Fantastic. You're almost there.
6. Right by the front window, place a hand drawn icon featuring a famous internet cat. I chose Maru (thanks Courtney). While most people feign interest in politics, the Arab Spring, health care . . . at their core, they just want cat videos, and preferably of cats who, like Maru, are bad at spacial relationships. Famous cats are the currency of the new millenium. Draw those folks in. This also works if you own a pet store.
In conclusion - feel free to do your own twist! Play jazz! Remember, we created the exact history of the world in a gallery. You may want do something different, and lesser! Good luck.
PS - I'm super proud of the work Owen and I did - and thanks to Caroline Corrigan, Amy Williams and Matt Shropshire at the Arts Center in Troy. Even with the long days, and no sleep, it was fanti-billy-tastic, and It'd be great to see as many folks as possible at the reception on April 29th!